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Back in the swing
by Rudy Cheeks
![[Dr. Lovemonkey]](/standard/image/headers/LOVEMONKEY.gif)
Send me your problems in care of Dr. Lovemonkey at the Providence Phoenix,
150 Chestnut Street, Providence, RI 02903, or by e-mail to
rcheeks[a]phx.com.
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I'm a recently divorced 26-year-old woman, and I'm wondering about getting
into dating. You see, I married my high school sweetheart at 19 and never had
much experience with dating. Basically, he was the only guy I ever went out
with. I'm not too keen on bars, and whenever I've been in what would be called
"dating scenes," the people seem very obvious or pretty shallow. It's very
difficult to get into the kind of conversation of substance that I need to get
a sense of another person. Any suggestions?
Dear Cora,
Dr. Lovemonkey finds that one of the best ways to meet and get to know people
without the pressure of blatant "dating scenes" is to go out in groups with
friends. Naturally, you should go to places where there are activities that you
like, since the chances are greater that you'll meet someone with whom you have
something in common. And go to places with friends where there'll social
settings conducive to conversation. Noisy bars may not be the sort of settings
where you'll be comfortable, so how about coffee houses? There are also tons of
clubs (you can find them listed in the newspapers) where people engage in
activities that you might enjoy. There are plenty of social opportunities out
there. You just have to do a little research and show up.
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I think you were off base in telling the vegan girl that she should accept
her boyfriend's poultry eating. The guy is obviously a jellyfish if he's
already rolled over on eating pork and beef, and you're not doing him any
favors by encouraging him to stay with a gal who can't countenance his
enjoyment in eating a variety of foods. I mean, what's next? Where do you draw
the line? What if she had a problem with him taking showers?
Dear Hungry,
It could be that the boyfriend has forsaken pork and beef for reasons only
partially related to his girlfriend's vegan ways. Perhaps there are some health
concerns mixed in with this. Dr. Lovemonkey tends not to look at the normal
give and take of relationships as some sort of struggle. Wanting to please your
girlfriend or being willing to change is not necessarily the sign of a
"jellyfish." Vegan girl must recognize that she isn't living in a vegan world,
and boyfriend can also see and appreciate why she has taken the stand she has
vis-a-vis meat.
Drawing the line is a team effort. Both sides should learn how to give a
little and better understand each other. It would be a shame to break up a
relationship based on something like this. They should be able to work it out.
In a healthy relationship, "the line" is a movable part.
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
My boyfriend has season's hockey tickets and he goes to all the games with
his pals. Generally, they drink a lot of beer and whoop it up. I've subtly
hinted that I'd like to go some night, but he always laughs it off as if I'm
not serious. I don't know that much about hockey, and it's not like I'm trying
to keep an eye on him, but he seems to think hockey is just for the guys and
that I'm not serious about this. What can I do to make him take me
seriously?
Dear Feeling Left Out,
I know many women who are really into hockey -- and just about any sport you
could name. Undoubtedly, your thoughtless husband has noticed a number of women
at the games, fully enjoying themselves as much as the men. He's just trying to
keep this a "boys only," and I agree with you -- this is unfair.
Arrange to be home before him and get yourself a numbered jersey, a hockey
stick, and puck. When he enters the house, a strong slap shot to the head or
chest, from about six yards out, might wake him up.
Issue Date: November 30 - December 6, 2001
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