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Touchy-feely
by Rudy Cheeks
![[Dr. Lovemonkey]](/standard/image/headers/LOVEMONKEY.gif)
Send me your problems in care of Dr. Lovemonkey at the Providence Phoenix,
150 Chestnut Street, Providence, RI 02903, or by e-mail to
rcheeks[a]phx.com.
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I'm 19 years old, my best friend is really jealous of me, and I'm concerned
about it. Boys really react to me because of my ass and tits. Lots of times
when we are together, my friend gets jealous when guys are all over me,
touching and grabbing me. Is there a way in which I can make my friend feel
better about this and not feel such jealousy?
Dear Concerned,
Your concern for your friend's feelings is quite touching. While there might
be a jealousy aspect here, most people are a bit uncomfortable when
another couple is groping within inches of their face. In Dr. Lovemonkey's
world of proper conduct, groping, making out, and most overt or intimate sexual contact (I'm not talking about handholding or innocuous kissing
here), is something that a couple should reserve for when they're alone.
If you're with your best friend and one of your suitors at the same time, you
should engage in activities that each of you could enjoy. Pay more attention to
your friend -- do things that are more inclusive and less exclusive.
When it comes to your sexual attractiveness and the apparent lust and
excitement you inspire in the opposite sex, you should take charge of the
situation. This is for your sake, your friend's sake, and for goodness sake.
And before I forget, congratulations on your ass and tits.
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
This is more or less a question about etiquette. I recently put a personals
ad in the Phoenix looking for a potential date. I got three replies, but
none of them interested me and I don't intend to go out with any of these men.
The question is, should I write to them and tell them thanks, but no
thanks?
Dear Wanting,
I wouldn't call it a necessity, but it would be a graceful and courteous
gesture to write a brief note, thanking them for their interest and explaining
that you didn't sense a good fit (or something like that). There's no need to
reveal anything in your letter that wasn't already expressed in your personal
ad. But I think it would be an excellent thing to write back.
Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
My husband of three years says I'm too flirtatious with other men. At the
same time, when I point out that he's being flirtatious, he pooh-poohs the
suggestion. I will acknowledge that I do act flirtatiously with other men
sometimes. I would never act on it nor am I interested in having any sort of
relationship outside of my marriage. Don't you think this is a complete double
standard on my husband's part? And do you think that this is a red flag or
something for our marriage?
Dear Jani,
Yes, this is a double standard, and it sounds like there's a bit of denial in
your husband's inability to recognize that he's flirting. Both of these,
though, are pretty much par for the course for men. I'm more concerned about
the why, after only a few years of marriage, the flirting issue is enough to
inspire you to write a letter.
Try concentrating more on each other. Start flirting with each other. Redirect
your energies and focus on the relationship. Whatever you do, realize how
important it is to function as a couple and a team. This sort of stuff should
not be coming between you.
There's nothing wrong with being flirtatious, as long as it's all done in a
light and humorous way. When it becomes lecherous or edgy, you've got a serious
issue, one in which the flirting is hurtful to the spouse -- and therefore not
acceptable in the realm of a marriage.
Issue Date: October 26 - November 1, 2001
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