Dear Heartbroken,
Your girlfriend has given you some indication of her unhappiness with the current situation. I don't know what kind of detail she offered, but at least you have an idea of what's bothering her.

If she's feeling that things have gotten stale, start thinking of ways to liven up your relationship. What types of things does she like to do that you haven't done? Look at this as a creative challenge. Have you thought about her criticism that you're too controlling? Talk with her about that and work on it. You're saying, "I really do need her back, because she is the world to me," indicates to Dr. Lovemonkey that you probably are too controlling, and you should reflect on this.

All you can do is offer to work on these problems in the relationship. If she still feels that it is too late, then move on, but take to heart her thoughts on your controlling nature. That you're so reluctant to let go of her indicates there is some truth to what she says.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I have been with my partner for almost two years and really do love him, but I have a jealous nature and feelings of insecurity. My partner finds it difficult to "open up" and has never told me his true feelings - he's carrying a lot of baggage from past relationships and his mother never really showed him any love.

Recently, we've been arguing a lot, and I can't get him to just sit down and discuss what we both want. He says he needs space, whereas I need more attention. Do you have any advice?

Dear Anonymous,
This sounds like one of those situations in which relationship counseling could be a very valuable tool. I get the sense that you really do love each other, but your insecurities (which manifest themselves in jealousy), and his difficulties in opening up to you, are undermining a basically good thing. His seeming tendency to avoid things and your apparent assertiveness are clashing, and it would be good, before things deteriorate any further, to introduce a professionally trained third person to guide you through your different ways of handling stress. Try to convince your partner that the way to work through things in a relationship is together, not separately, and since you've been arguing lately, a sounding board to keep you focused would be beneficial. Good luck.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
There's a guy that I was really attracted to for almost a year. He never seemed very interested in me, but he's been checking me out more closely and paying me a lot of attention lately. I've been ignoring his new interest, though, since I figure that if he really liked me, he would have made his move by now.

Now another guy has asked me out (he's a friend of the first guy). I think I should go out with the new guy (who is cute) and "move on," as they say. But I still have a lot of feelings for the first guy. What do you think?

Dear Confused,
Have meaningless sex with both of them, and then, to make them both jealous, go out with some guy 25 years your senior who you picked up in a bowling alley and don't care about at all. That'll teach 'em not to keep you waiting.

Hold on, I just lost it for a minute. Here's the real advice: although you believe you should move on, the fact that you are still torn by this indicates that you haven't moved on. If you haven't agreed to go out with the second guy yet, take a shot at number one. Whatever you decide to do, make your decision and stick to it.

Issue Date: September 7 - 13, 2001