Dear Badar,
You're throwing me off a bit with that first personal pronoun. I'm going to assume that by "his" you mean her (since you refer to "her" throughout the rest of the letter), although it would seem more typical for you to be the 50-year-old and her to be the 21-year-old. Regardless, if this woman is determined to marry for money, then you should start learning how to live without her. You are in a situation where your basic interest is love, but her focus is wealth, and she seems willing to make what Dr. Lovemonkey sees as a rather soulless accommodation.

If you're on the same ethical wavelength and believe that intimacy and a life's partnership should be bargained for economic advantage, then the solution is for you to become wealthy enough to afford such a wife. If not, think about why you'd be so taken by a woman whose values seem so at odds with yours.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I am 14 and have been going out with an 18-year-old guy since the beginning of summer. We met the first really warm weekend this year at the beach, and I told him then that I was 15. Since then, he's found out how old I am, but this is cool with him. My parents found out, though, that he's 18, and now I can't see him or talk to him on the phone. All we have is e-mail and I'm so afraid I'll lose him. My parents don't even know him and they are being very unfair. Please don't say I'm too young, because lots of people my age feel this way, and anyway, I really love him. I just don't know what to do.

Dear Mature For My Age,
If he really feels strongly about you, use e-mail to discuss the idea of him calling your parents and offering to meet them. He can then tell them that he really cares for you and would like for the two of you to be able to spend time together. He should assure them that the two of you won't be sexually active, because -- besides the fact of a little legal matter known as "statutory rape" -- the gulf in emotional maturity is too great at your respective ages.

If you're both willing to do this (and mean it), there is a possibility that your parents may give you some slack. Of course, if he's unwilling to approach your parents, suggest meeting them, and profess his strong feelings for you, it may be he doesn't feel as strongly about you as you do about him. It's worth a try, however.

Dear Dr. Lovemonkey,
I'm a 35-year-old man, and I'm wondering if it's possible to find love without making the commitment to marry and have children. I have no interest in marriage or having children, but I have yet to meet a woman who feels the same way. How would one go about finding such a woman?

Dear Searching,
Look for bitter and disappointed women -- those who have been burned and do not want to be burned again. Or consider women who, for legal, economic, or other logistical reasons, are not interested in marriage. The fact is, most women in your age range are looking for love and usually see marriage and family as part of the equation. To Dr. Lovemonkey, commitment is an element of love and the most accepted cultural expression of that commitment is through marriage. There are people out there who see things as you do, but they are a distinct minority. Try to penetrate social groups where free spirits flourish (such as arts organizations) and your chances of finding like-minded women may increase.

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