For the past 20 years or so, we've been picking the best names in all of college basketball. Our conclusion: there are obviously enough insane parents to provide an ongoing supply of utterly unfamiliar names for their offspring on Planet Earth.

Hence the inclusion of such fine, upstanding young Kryptonians as all-time High School Name of the Year winner Elvis Old Bull, and former College Name of the Year winners Baskerville Holmes, Napoleon Lightning, Alphonso Goldwire, God Shammgod, Fennis Dembo, Rasheed Brokenborough and, of course, Scientific and Majestic Mapp -- a band of brothers who have made it to the top of the hottest handles category.

Last year's winner, Rashon Burno, is back, along with a host of young men who couldn't clear customs even at the check-in terminal in Men in Black. However, even with the restraint of not allowing the inclusion (that we know of) foreign names -- which eliminates the likes of Uche Okafor and Liberto Tetimandigar, who are probably hanging out with my friend Godlove Mwamsojo in Dar es Salaam -- there are plenty of choices from the anesthesia-addled delivery room. Cripes, even Burno had to fight for a spot against teammates Quemont Greer and LeVar Seals.

One thing that won't get you picked is just being famous -- so Langston Hughes of Northwestern, however poetic your name may be, and jazzy Miles Davis at Delaware State, have just got to chill. Having one half of the equation -- like Nick Huge of Illinois, and Demon Brown at UNC-Charlotte -- need to be bigger and meaner to make the roll call. And our pal Darshan Lucky at St. Francis needs a bit more mojo in his corner, too. But we get wet and wild, and cold, too, with Steve Showers of Drexel and Brent Blizzard of UNC-Wilmington.

So here we go, boys and girls, with the OTB&OTW Name Game All Stars of 2001:

First team

Majestic Mapp, Virginia
Odartey Blankson, Marquette
Nathan Popp, UNC-Greensboro
Rashon Burns, DePaul
Paris Corner, Wyoming

Second team

Jermaine Slider, Fairleigh Dickinson
Cameron Crisp, Tennessee Tech
Kitwana Rhymer, UMass
Harding Nana, Virginia Tech
Scepter Brownlee, San Francisco

Third team

Tayshaun Price, Kentucky
Ronell Mingo, Wyoming
Carlos Boozer, Duke
Tamar Slay, Marshall
Orloff Civil, College of Charleston

Finally, we'll let Jesus Arenas of Texas Tech sanctify this year's winner, who just happens to be Xavier Whipple of LSU.

Please don't squeeze.

Issue Date: November 16 - 22, 2001