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BEST ART ON THE CHEAP

Art for the people! There’s something wondrously cool, not to mention surreal, about art popping out of a vending machine like a pack of coffin nails. Long live the Art*o*Mat, moved around by ProjectOne to various places in Newport. It includes a pack of tiny prints by members on the Hera Gallery cooperative in Wakefield, among its many items. Another machine is at the Thayer Street Oop! art and crafts boutique. Vintage cigarette machines, more than 70 of them, have been reconditioned by North Carolina artist Clark Whittington, filled with mini-works — sculptures, origami, jewelry — by more than 400 artists and distributed around the country, from museum cafeterias to bookstores to a café in Winston-Salem. Into bargains? At five bucks a pop, you can get an armload. Oop!, 297 Thayer Street, Providence, (401) 455-0844; ProjectOne, (800) 281-4147; www.projectone.org.

BEST TEAROOM WITH A VIEW

Sure, it’s a splurge. But it’s also a once-in-a-lifetime experience, up there with the sub-orbital space visits that those who can fork over $200,000 will be able to take in a few years. The opportunity is to sail over the countryside at break of day, when the air is calm, ballooning with Larry Fortin of Kingston Balloon Company. His hot-air balloon will reach eight stories above terra firma, the quiet broken occasionally by the flame whooshing from the 20-million BTU propane burner. Otherwise all is calm. Depending on the time of year, a formation of geese might pass by at eye-level, or the fall foliage might try to impress you. So bring a thermos of Earl Grey or a magnum of champers and settle into a South County countryside vista. Liftoff is at dawn year-round, weather permitting, for $250 per person. (800) 656-9386.

BEST AD HOC THEATER SEASON

There’s no such thing as too much of a good thing when it comes to quality theater. On the other hand, getting treated only occasionally to a production by NewStage whets the appetite for more and keeps us from taking good stuff for granted. Originally called First Stage, the company debuted at the end of 1999 with a production of Quilters, directed by Kate Lohman, that stirred up enough of a buzz to be reprised at Brown the next year. Lohman is no longer in the area, so producer and sometimes director Cait Calvo, also an off-Trinity acting veteran, has renamed the company. She has been able to stage shows more frequently than in the past now that Firehouse Theater in Newport has been providing a venue. This year’s offerings have ranged from Noel Coward’s frothy Blithe Spirit to David Mamet’s sobering Oleanna. Keep track of Calvo productions at Firehouse. 4 Equality Park Place, Newport, (401) 849-3473; www.firehousetheater.org.

BEST GLIMPSE INTO THE PAST

From May through October, you can visit America’s oldest surviving plantation house, Smith’s Castle. Hardly as regal as its name suggests, originally it was the 17th-century trading post of Roger Williams, purchased rather than appropriated from Narragansett chief sachem Canonicus. To raise money for a voyage to England that resulted in the "lively experiment" colonial charter granted by King Charles II, Williams sold the post to Richard Smith in 1651. In 1676, the building was burned down by Narragansetts in retaliation for the Great Swamp Massacre. On the site, Smith’s son rebuilt the present substantial house for a slave-holding plantation that produced cheese, apples, tobacco, and Narragansett pacers, the celebrated breed ridden by Paul Revere on his historic ride. By the early 20th century, the house grew dilapidated and was about to be demolished when the property was bought by the Cocumscussoc Association in 1948 and renovated. 55 Richard Smith Drive, Wickford, (401) 294-3521; www.smithscastle.org.

BEST HOLIDAY OOMPAHS

For the past 11 years, about five dozen tuba players have gathered for a free All-Tuba Christmas Concert in North Kingstown. This year their performances will be at the Warwick Mall on December 11 at 6:30 and 7:30 p.m. Led by conductor Gary Buttery, a URI music professor and the principal tubist at the Coast Guard Academy, players range in age from 8 to 85, and they play a variety of instruments that fall within the tuba family. Euphoniums are shaped like a baritone horn but with a tenor voice; Sousaphones and their cousins, the helicons, have an upright bell instead of one in front; the F-orchestral tuba has a higher range; an older type is called an E-flat tuba; and alto horns are conical instruments that play in the upper range. Holiday tuba concerts have become a tradition both here and abroad, and this is your chance to catch one in Rhode Island. For information on participating or listening, call Ray Vallee at (401) 295-1607 or Martin Hellewell at (401) 423-1285.

BEST ENVIRONMENTALLY-CONSCIOUS MUSIC FEST

Though there are still pitches from the Newport Folk Festival stage to recycle and to write your Congresspeople, for an intensely educational day that’s suffused with good local and regional folk musicians, head to the 4th Annual Rhode Island Sustainable Living Festival and Renewable Energy Expo, sponsored in early June by the Apeiron Institute for Environmental Living on its 55 acres in Coventry. Dozens of mini-classes and hands-on workshops provide "everything you ever wanted to know about ecological living." There are tours of the state-of-the-art environmental housing model and several alternative energy vehicles, and workshops on topics from an alternatively-grown front lawn to solar basics, from socially responsible investing to vegan cooking. This year, AS220’s Bizarre Bazaar was there, with the wares of 30 local artists, as were storytellers, massage therapists and natural/ organic food vendors. Jess Klein and Ellis Paul headlined the 2004 musical lineup; in 2003, it was Cheryl Wheeler, Lucy Kaplansky, and Paul Geremia. 451 Hammet Road, Coventry, (401) 397-3430; www.apeiron.org.

BEST RECOMPENSE WHEN SHIT HAPPENS

By far the most popular event at Swamp Yankee Days is Cow Chip Bingo. Tickets (or deeds) are sold for a few weeks prior to this annual September event, but there are still plenty on hand at the festival itself. People pay $5 for a 4x4-foot square of turf, which belongs to them for that day. Approximately 800 plots are marked off and at a given time, three cows are let loose on them. The person who owns the square where the first cow’s poop lands wins $500; the second cow’s exertion will win the appropriate deed-holder $250; and the third cow to do the duty of the day will win the plot-owner $100. Judges inside the ring try to keep the cows moving around but if after 90 minutes none of the cows has performed, they will take the contest to a raffle. Call the Rotary Club of Chariho at (401) 539-0120 for more info.

BEST MOONLIT THESPIANS

As Juliet warns Romeo, the moon can be an inconstant thing by which to swear, and it could also be unreliable for lighting an outdoor drama. But in at least two summertime productions of the Bard On the Bay Shakespeare Series, presented by Mixed Magic Theatre and Cultural Events, the emotional impact of the tragedies played out between the aforementioned star-crossed lovers and the jealous/innocent mates of Othello and Desdemona is greatly enhanced by the outdoor setting. Waves shush up against the shore behind the stage; wind rustles the trees around the audience; and overhead, high-flying, fast-moving clouds occasionally part to reveal a pearly sphere or an ivory crescent beaming down on the proceedings. Last summer’s Othello was the fourth play in the series; Romeo and Juliet, A Midsummer Night’s Dream, and The Tempest have also been staged with the magical backdrop of ocean and sky. Find out about next year’s Bard On the Bay at www.mixedmagic.org.

BEST MINISTER OF HIP-HOP

No, we’re not talking about the comical return of Reverend Mase, but local rap disciple Mark Anthony Ferrara, aka the Minister of Reference. Looking to reach out to B-boys and backpackers alike, Ref has spent the last year spreading the gospel as host of an all-things-hip hop showcase at the Green Room. "Hip-hop is still alive and kicking around here," Ref proudly proclaims. Ref paid his dues back in 1997 at the highly regarded (and sorely missed) ’Round Midnight at the old Providence Black Rep. "I got up there alone, looked over to the house DJ, and said drop whatever," Ref recalls, "and they’ve been listening ever since." Ref has been fortunate enough to open for the legendary likes of KRS-One, Atmosphere, Akrobatik, Jedi Mind Tricks, Dead Prez, Aesop Rock, and local superhero Sage Francis, to namedrop a few. Some people may recognize the moniker from a previous crew called Birthwrite w/ Exile & Lokey ("We still get down now and again," Ref says). Ref has spent the past two years or so creating music with DJ Al Bums at a DIY home studio called the Fridge ("It’s where we keep it fresh"), where a Minister of Reference solo album currently in the works. Hit him up at ministerofreference@dutchmoney.com.

BEST DIGERATI

Most of us are still adjusting to the brave new world of blogs, the personalized Web logs that update news and commentary with sometimes dizzying speed. If the Internet has made it easy to access enormous amounts of useful information, the sheer number of worthwhile blogs can make the most curious reader’s eyes glaze over. Thankfully, some Webheads are gifted at navigating this new universe, culling information from a seemingly infinite array of sources and forming it into a concise, coherent narrative. The Providence Journal’s Sheila Lennon is just such an individual, using her keen intellect, whimsical humor, and discerning eye to make her Subterranean Homepage News (www.projo.com/blogs/shenews) a compelling read. As the blog’s moniker suggests, Lennon is attuned to music and popular culture, but she’s even better in steadily trying to get at the story behind the story in news and politics.

BEST SHAKING-OFF OF THE WINTER BLUES

For centuries, people in many Catholic regions of the globe who dreaded the annual six weeks of Lenten deprivation decided to do a day-before-Ash Wednesday no-holds-barred blowout with lots of music and dancing, costumes and headdresses, drinking and outrageous behavior. In many places, including Rhode Island’s Woonsocket and Pawtuxet Village, this festival is known as Mardi Gras (Fat Tuesday). Woonsocket’s French-Canadian organizations and the Blackstone Valley Tourism Council put together their first Mardi Gras celebration 10 years ago, and it now includes a Queen’s Coronation, a King’s Quest, a costume contest, and several sites with music, including a couple of Cajun/ zydeco bands. Call (401) 724-2200 or contact bvtourism@aol.com. The Mardi Gras balls that take place at Rhodes-On-the-Pawtuxet are sponsored by Lagniappe Productions, and 2005 will be the 14th year they’ve given Rhode Islanders a chance to two-step, waltz, and zydeco to their winter hearts’ content. Louisiana musicians Steve Riley and the Mamou Playboys will headline the February 26 event. Call (401) 783-3926 or go to www.mardigrasri.com.

BEST TIME TO SAY ‘IT’S ALL GREEK TO ME’

One of the best ways to experience some tidbits of another culture is to attend an ethnic festival. For Rhode Island Greek-Americans or anyone wanting to taste Greek food and hear Greek music, two places to start are the Hellenic Fest at St. Spyridon Greek Orthodox Church in Newport, and the Grecian Festival at the Assumption of the Virgin Mary Greek Orthodox Church in Pawtucket. Both are summer events and both involve lots of food. Traditional dishes such as the eggplant and beef casserole, moussaka; meat kabobs called souvlaki; and of course baklava are prepared by church members. At the Assumption Church, the St. Barbara Chapter of the Philoptochos Ladies Society begins six weeks ahead to assemble the baklava and to bake cookies, such as kouloudakia (butter twists) and koudambiedes (Greek wedding cookies). Just think, with enough retsina (Greek wine), you’ll be able to pronounce all those foods and even join in the Greek dances, à la Zorba. Assumption Church, 97 Walcott Street, (401) 725-3127; St. Spyridon Church, 390 Thames Street, (401) 846-0555.

BEST WAY TO KILN TIME

Look out, Chuck E. Cheese’s — birthday parties for tykes can offer more than pizza and sugar shock. At Art & Soul, kids get to pick an item such as a piggy bank, jewelry box, or cocoa mug, paint it, and have it kiln-fired. The birthday child also gets a souvenir plate decorated and signed by everybody. The price is $14 per child for up to two hours, everything included. Sister and brother Amy and Mark Janes opened the little pottery studio six years ago, getting popular by not requiring that customers commit to a series of classes. Adults can check out their talent for making ceramics by painting a mug for $8 or a small plate for $8. And if the result doesn’t pass for a Picasso, they can give it to their mommy, who will praise it anyway. 147 Orchard Street, Wakefield, (401) 789-4993.

BEST NEW SOUNDS

Jam band, stoner rock — call it whatever, but word is soon to be out about homegrown alterna-rock quartet Private Tremendous. Expect the groove and swagger of the sorely missed Soul Coughing and the heart-on-the sleeve pop rock romance of Buffalo Tom. Lead guitarist/vocalist Kehn Marold exudes the throaty, engaging growl of vintage Mike Doughty while the band tightly weaves around influences such as 311 and Pearl Jam. The combination of drummer Jack Russell, bassist Ike Jr., and new recruit Ed Demille on bongos and hand synth adds depth on the live circuit, as the band have become regulars at the wonderfully remodeled Century Lounge, plus spots in Bristol and Fall River. Their first official single, "Droids," is one of a handful of fun, bouncy tracks expected to land on the full-length due in early ’05. The moody and melodic "India" should become a local alterna-FM staple by next spring — no kidding. Hop on the bandwagon now at www.privatetremendous.com.

BEST NEW URBAN FESTIVAL

From the ashes of First Night, a new organization, and with it a new festival has emerged. Called FirstWorksProv, the group’s mission is "to engage audiences and artists in a broad range of performing arts by instigating and promoting presentations, arts creation, and arts learning." Partnering with the City of Providence’s Department of Arts, Culture, and Tourism, FirstWorksProv presented a Youth First Festival last June, which celebrated cultures from around the world, including a performance by Manding Jata with a story from the ancient African kingdom of Mali. First Night’s Imagination Market of creative workshops for children returned, as did a lively, colorful parade. Then, in October, a three-weekend series of performances by the dance troupe Pilobolus, multi-media artist DJ Spooky, and an evening of free events by local artists lit up the city. A second youth festival is planned for next June, and it’s definitely not just for kids. For more info, call (401) 421-4278 or go to www.firstworksprov.org.