So sue me

Let’s just say that you call up a woman and threaten to kill her friend. She files a complaint. Where do you think you would spend the night? Does "A-C-I" ring a bell?

Say you’re standing on a corner shitfaced and swearing, and people have called in to complain, one woman saying you were exposing yourself. Police officers arrive, and you curse at them and deliver the line that all cops love to hear: "Do you know who the fuck I am?" Where do you think you would spend the night? Yep, those three little letters again: A-C-I.

Unless, of course, you were a high-ranking off-duty cop or fireman. Then you would get that widdle wrist slapped ever so hard by either your mayor or your superior officer, while the attorney general stood by with his thumb in his mouth. That was the case for East Providence Police Captain Walter Barlow, who was recorded issuing death threats to an animal rights activist over the phone; and Providence Fire Chief James Rattigan, who was found tired and emotional in public and screamed and swore at the officers who came to investigate his odd behavior.

Rattigan, who had previously made headlines by driving his car directly into a telephone pole across the street from the Nawt Prov police station three years ago — for which he was suspended for two months without pay — simply walked away from this escapade. P&J are surprised the Nawt Prov cops didn’t just toss him the keys and say, "Drive fast, you’ll get there quicker." But instead of being cashiered or demoted, Mayor David Cicilline said the equivalent of "next time you’ll be in big trouble," sounding as convincing as Dustin Hoffman talking to his child as the single parent in Kramer vs. Kramer. This is the new, cleaned-up, accountable Providence, David? One would think the new mayor could have at least referred Rattigan to an alcohol rehab program.

Meanwhile, our punk friend Barlow beat the rap by having his case referred to the state police for criminal investigation by Attorney General Patrick Lynch. Phillipe and Jorge aren’t lawyers (and we don’t even play them on TV), but our more learned friends tell us the situation should have been put before a judge, not the staties. And as for timid Patrick, doesn’t the "assault" part of "assault and battery" mean issuing threats and making someone fearful for their health, and the "battery" part indicate actual physical violence? Guess we all missed that day at Suffolk Law night school.

Policemen and firemen have never had better public images than after their heroism during the September 11 terrorist attacks and the Station fire. But trust a couple of meatheads like Barlow and Rattigan to make both institutions look like they are full of back-scratching cretins. Maybe the justice should have been best meted out in the back rooms at the East Providence and Nawt Providence police stations, AG’s office, and the Providence fire department by the upstanding colleagues of those who brought the departments into disrepute, and their enablers.

So he was, like, a pervert

P&J hope our readers did not miss the Washington Post story of June 4 in which it was revealed that the FBI has hired three eighth-grade girls from suburban Maryland to help their agents catch pedophiles who prey on young women through contacts made on the Internet. The lassies involved in Operation Innocent Images have evidently discovered that their law enforcement-trained students are definitely out of it when it comes to being at all cool, as the Post reported:

During the past year, the three have been teaching agents across the country how to communicate just like teenage girls, complete with written quizzes on celebrity gossip and clothing trends and assigned reading in Teen People and YM magazines. The first time the girls gave a quiz, all the agents failed.

"They, like, don’t know anything," said Mary, 14, giggling.

"They’re, like, do you like Michael Jackson?" said Karen, 14, rolling her eyes at just how out of it adults can be.

Well, maybe not that out of it if people investigating pedophiles are asking questions about Michael Jackson.

Liar, liar

Berets and sombreros off to Representative Henry Waxman of California for calling out national security advisor Condoleeza "Queen Lotsateetha" Rice for her preposterous, prevaricating performance on NBC’s Meet the Press on June 8. This pedantic Miss Nancy of Romper Room wannabe with the 1950s Ebony magazine hairdo was caught out by Waxman on numerous occasions where her comments were "directly contradicted by other evidence," as Waxman put it. He has sent Queen Lotsateetha a letter demanding an explanation for her disingenuous claims, which one can wait for hell to freeze over before he gets a reply from the typically stonewalling (if not downright lying) administration.

The sad thing is that despite the fact she was not telling the truth, that was the only side of the story the public heard, as P&J have seen no follow-up reports in the "major" national media on Waxman’s accusatory letter, nor did we hear Tim Russert allude to it the following week on his show. The letter was printed on the www.tompaine.com, and circulated by the excellent Internet news source, www.truthout.org, but unless you were tied into those links, you missed it. It is likely that Condee’s quips were taken at face value by most Americans, which is how sorry the state of affairs in news coverage has become. Embed this, news readers.

Where's the follow-up, Matt?

P&J were lounging about the Boom Boom Room at Casa D. on Monday morning, checking out the Today show on NBC when well-known golfing enthusiast (and P&J chum from the early ’80s) Matt Lauer, commenced an interview with PGA star Tom Watson and his caddy, Bruce Edwards. The US Open had ended the day before and one of the major stories at the event was Edwards, who is suffering from ALS (aka Lou Gehrig’s disease) and was probably working one of his last major tournaments with Watson.

Early in the interview, it was mentioned that Edwards had been with Watson for 30 years now and that, when he was diagnosed with ALS, Watson came to the rescue to cover health care costs because Edwards didn’t have any health insurance.

P&J waited for Matt to inquire about why Edwards had no health insurance, but the question was not forthcoming. What we would like to know is why, since there is so much money involved with professional golf, caddies do not have health coverage? This is a disgrace. We would have thought that Matt, the newsman, would have trumped Matt, the golf nut, and asked the question. But nooooo!

Bree

One of our state’s most unique and beloved individuals passed away on June 4 at age 69. We were told by Hot Club Head Ramrod Tom Bates that Bree, who had been in a health care facility, had asked if he could just go home. He did and we understand that he died peacefully and without pain, merely folding his arms over his chest and moving on.

Bree was one of the original members of Trinity Rep, going way back to 1965, when he arrived in Providence from Texas on the heels of his friend and mentor, Trinity founder, Adrian Hall. Bree was the epitome of a Trinity lifer, working as a part of the tech crew, acting in productions and, basically, doing whatever had to be done. He was a true man of the theater.

What those in Providence’s arts community knew was that Bree was as true a friend as anyone could ever have and a man of great wisdom. He was always there for anyone and for years served as a mentor to young actors. His wisdom was not just about life in the theater, but about life itself. He kept his own life simple and focused; he was an artist through and through. He will be greatly missed by his large family of friends whose lives were enhanced by his humor and great kindness, his gentle nature and friendship. Bree was the best.

Private cops and civil liberties

A little story from the New York Times that was passed along to your superior correspondents by our peripatetic e-mail buddy, Richard Walton, caught our eye this week. It begins:

Steps from the pantyhose section of Macy’s Manhattan store sits a cool, halogen-lighted room containing two chain-link holding cells. People, some of them minors, are led to this room every day, where they are body-searched, photographed and then handcuffed to a long steel bench.

An interrogation occurs, and a verdict is made as to whether or not they tried to steal. Their Social Security numbers are punched into a national database, and they are turned over to the police or they are freed. Almost all of them sign confessions and are asked to pay private penalties five times the amount of whatever they stole."

Apparently, this same sort of set-up is being used in a number of department stores across the country. The story also noted that, "Last year, more than 12,000 people moved through detention rooms in 105 of Macy’s stores, including more than 1900 at the Manhattan store, in Herald Square. Only 56 percent of those people were sent to the police. The company, though, says that over 95 percent of those detained confess to shoplifting and quite a few pay the in-store."

Certainly, shoplifting is a serious crime (attention, Winona) that costs companies billions each year, but private police forces and department store holding cells! This seems to be just another tale of how concerns over civil liberties and due process seem to be disappearing before our eyes in the United States of Ashcroft.

Quote of the week

From a soldier currently stationed in Baghdad, as part of our occupying . . . whoops, we mean liberating, forces:

"You call Donald Rumsfeld and tell him our sorry asses are ready to go home," PFC. Matthew C. O’Dell, an infantryman in Sergeant Betancourt’s platoon, said as he stood guard on Tuesday. "Tell him to come spend a night in our building."

Sorry, Matt — Rummy the lying chicken hawk is too busy backpedaling to sit still for an evening.

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