Chafee the Younger heads to D.C.

As expected, on Tuesday afternoon, Governor Bigfoot named Linc Chafee to fill out his father's US Senate term. The Lincoln log-rolling ceremony was rife with repeated standing ovations from the assembled Rhody Republicans, as the beaming and soft-spoken mayor of Warwick graciously accepted the challenge.

While most political pundits interpret this as a boost for Chafee the Younger's campaign to succeed his dad via the ballot box next year, P&J expect this presumed "inside track" may not be all it's cracked up to be. Most of Mayor Linc's perceived advantages were already in place before he accepted the appointment (i.e. the Chafee name, kneejerk BeloJo support and the lack of a credible primary challenger to muddy him before the general election).

The fact is that he will now be much more vulnerable to criticism. Without the years of seniority, clout and collegial respect that his legendary father accumulated over the years, Linc may well be restrained from the sort of bold and risky positions that John Chafee took. Assuming that he pursues a more cautious approach to the Washington snake pit, some Vo Dilunduhs might just see Linc as a pale imitation of the genuine Chafee. And, of course, he will be closely scrutinized, especially by a large collection of local and national Democratic operatives who are hot to grab the Senate seat that was John Chafee's for as long as he wanted it. The Washington spotlight is also a microscope, and it's not necessarily a "win/win" situation.

Just prior to the expected appointment of Linc Chafee to his father's Senate seat, the local political rumor mill burst into overdrive. One scenario laid out by some political pros had "Dorian" Weygand pulling out of the Senate race, and Jim Langevin abandoning his Congressional campaign to announce for mayor of Warwick. As ridiculous as these rumors appear, they were being pushed by well-connected political figures of both major parties with enough credibility to actually prompt the Other Paper's M. Chuckie Bakst to make a few calls to check them out.

P&J spoke to Langevin spokesguy Peter Kerwin, who laughed heartily at all the floating intrigue. Kerwin acknowledges that one Democratic bigwig did try to interest the secretary of state in making a run for Warwick City Hall, but he says this was over a year ago and Jim wasn't interested anyway. While repackaging old stories that contain a few strands of truth is an old Vo Dilun tradition, both of these non-starters seem to be a combination of wishful thinking and low-level mischief.

Young Eddie makes his move

Your superior correspondents recently received a rather interesting note from Ed Lopez, the former GOP candidate for secretary of state. It came via the US mail, enclosed in a plastic baby's bottle -- complete with rubber nipple -- announcing that young Ed was, once again, "throwing his diaper in the ring," this time for the year 2000. Although Lopez won't be officially announcing until early next year, Ed's quest this time around is the District 3 state Senate seat (Providence, Pawtucket) currently held by Rhoda Perry. Lopez has already raised a few thousand dollars and put together an impressive group of supporters, including Fred Lippitt; Eileen Slocum; Nancy Mayer's former campaign treasurer, Joan Gray; and Casa Diablo regular John Arcaro (son of former Democratic state Senator, Harold Arcaro.

Much as we like the 20-something Ed, we would be hard-pressed to abandon Rhoda, who's been a strong progressive voice in the General Assembly for a decade. But, Eddie, we loved the packaging.

George W. coughs it up

No wonder George W. Bush likes getting out on the national campaign trail. If he stays in Texas too long, he'll probably end up with lung cancer.

Thanks to W's sucking up to industry at the expense of the environment, Texas may well claim the title of having the worst air in America. Houston just outstripped Los Angeles as the city in Gringolandia with the most dangerous smog. And thus far in 1999, the Lone Star State has recorded the 24 worst readings of ozone pollution in the country. But, hey, that's OK, `cause those campaign donations keep a-rollin' in. In fact, Texas virtually wrapped up top honors in the all-important carcinogenic categories: first (also known as worst) in number of days with unhealthy ozone; in airborne cancer-causing agents; in ozone components; and in toxic air releases. Combine that with the ignoble distinction of being the state that ranks 44th in per-capita spending on the environment, and 46th on water resources protection (a whopping $3 per-person, per-year), and you can bet your boots that Bush is the surefire favorite of polluters.

One can't wait to see what George W. will do to gut federal environmental laws if he gets elected president, but the track record is more than grim. And this with a GOP-controlled Congress that already has lobbyists from polluting industries writing their environmentally-destructive legislation (not to mention John Chafee's replacement as chairman of the vital Senate Environment and Public Works Committee by US Senator Robert "the wandering Republican" Smith [R-NH], who decidedly lacks Chafee's appreciation for the necessity of environmental protection -- ed). Belch.

Hot enough for you?

For the masochists out there in the consumer world who enjoy getting spit upon by corporate America, we offer a new champion of customer abuse: the Coca-Cola Co.

The geniuses at Coke have been testing a vending machine with a temperature sensor that will raise the price of a can of soda when the weather gets hotter. The thinking, or plotting, as one might more appropriately say, is that as people get thirstier in steamier weather, Coke can hose them by raising the price for the increased demand. Jeez, what a charming reward for loyal customers of the product.

Naturally, Coke PR people are claiming that the price could be reduced during off-peak hours, or, presumably, during blizzards. But hell, which no doubt features the costliest sodas of all, will freeze over before that occurs. Execs at Coca-Cola's chief competitor, Pepsi, showed a great deal more respect for their customers when they responded to Coke's repulsive announcement by saying, "At Pepsi, we are focused on innovations that make it easier for consumers to buy a soft drink, not harder." Imagine that!

P&J think we have a good way to make sure Coke can capitalize on rising temperatures to feed their greed: How would setting fire to the Coke machines, or perhaps even the home of Coca-Cola chairman Douglas Ivester, who proudly announced this incredible scam, drive up those profits from the vending machines?

Rocket science

The male body is home to me, my rocket, my whirlpool." So exuded Naomi Wolf in her book, Fire With Fire. Well, hot dang, boys and girls, if that isn't something you'd expect to see embroidered on a pillowcase at Casa Diablo, then just check the men's room wall at a local superior watering hole. In this case, P&J do indeed consider themselves rocket scientists.

But instead of being a muse for Phillipe and Jorge, Wolf is actually a stealth advisor to vice president Al "Two-by-four" Gore. Since Ms. Wolf is known for her obsession with sex and feminism, Mr. Bore has been paying her an exorbitant salary (formerly $15,000, now reduced to $5000 after squeals of anguish from other staffers), with the checks surreptitiously being channeled through consulting firms so it doesn't look like her wet and wild ideas (geddit?) -- quite exploitable by the GOP -- might actually be having an influence on Al the, er, Stiff.

Unfortunately, it appears the opposite is true, and this sexual Svengali has been doing everything from advising Gore to get tougher, to telling him what color suits he should be wearing (that would be olive green, tan and brown -- a Reagan GQ redux). Add Wolf with other key staffers, such as campaign manager Tony Coelho, who was recently was shaking down Portuguese banks, and PR queen Donna Brazile, who was fired from the Dukakis campaign a decade ago for putting out lies about President Bush's supposed sexual sorties with women other than his wife, and Naomi appears to be in good company. Kudos to Richard Cohen of the Washington Post, who observes of Mr. Two-by-four, "Maybe, come to think of it, he's a whirlpool after all. His campaign's going down the drain."

Worldly gents

Your superior correspondents were pleased to see last week that our tribute to Julius Nyerere, the late former president of Tanzania, was reprinted in both The Guardian and The Sunday Observer in Dar es Salaam, two of the country's major newspapers. What they made of the explanation of who we are is open to question, but P&J are grateful for the recognition.

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